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Webster's defines weasel as any of a worldwide group of agile,
flesh-eating mammals with short legs and a bushy tail, the base
of the word being weis, which in reference to the rank
odor emitted by an animal means to flow out. They could
save some ink by defining weasel as Chris Lehane, press
secretary to Al Gore during the 2000 election.
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Chris
Lehane
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Lehane crawled out of his timeshare beneath Maine Avenue
this week to reveal that, in his opinion, the
sneak attack disclosure that George W. Bush had been arrested
for DUI gave the popular vote to Gore in the 2000 presidential
election. "Obviously, I think it did have an impact on the
election," Lehane told WABC Radio's John Batchelor and Paul
Alexander.
As
Newsmax reported this week, “the Bush DWI story undoubtedly
caused Bush's slim nationwide lead to evaporate overnight and
precipitated the 37-day
Florida
recount fiasco that still has
Democrats grousing Gore was robbed.”
"There
is something of a mystery that has unfolded since we broke the
story," Fox News Channel's Carl Cameron reported days
before the election. "And that is that part of the arrest
record and the state of Maine's documentation of George Bush's
driving record and arrest record in Maine was faxed to news
agencies all over the country after we were on the air with it
at 6 o'clock Eastern time."
Said
Senator Alan Simpson at the time, "If anybody doesn't
believe that this came right out of Gore headquarters, you ought
to sprinkle some Peter Pan twinkle dust on them."
And
I have no doubt who in Gore headquarters worked the story,
pushed the story, and finally convinced a desperate Al Gore to
release the story—Chris Lehane. It all makes sense. Performing
this type of dirty trick is the only reason Chris Lehane was
born. Lehane is from
Maine, where the DUI took place, and
he has all the connections necessary to manufacture the unusual
release of documents. And the fact the revelation comes from him
is even more proof that he was the operative behind the
“leak.” He kept it a secret as long as he could, but like a
teenage yuppie who beats the object of his desire to death with
a golf club, Lehane just couldn’t keep it a secret forever. It
was too good to keep all to himself. What’s the good of doing
something sinister if you can’t take the credit? So Lehane
squealed…on himself (something tells me it’s not the only
time he’s squealed…all over himself…maybe even in a tree).
The
sad thing is that if George Bush wanted to ensure a
popular vote victory in 2000 he would’ve taken my advice at
the time and made Lehane the big election issue. In every
presidential election,
America
not only chooses a president but also a presidential press
secretary. A Gore presidency would likely have meant that
America
would’ve been forced to endure as presidential press secretary
the ugly, smug, flesh-eating mammal that is Chris Lehane. A
chilling thought for anyone who follows current events on a
daily basis.
To
win the popular vote outright Bush simply could've asked,
"Do you want to see more or less of Chris Lehane?" Now
there’s a campaign issue every pro-abortion soccer mom in
America
would understand. "Hell no!" would’ve been the
resounding response heard nationwide.
One
can tell a lot about a president or a candidate by his choice
for press secretary, and to this day a snotty-nosed, pompous
prick like Chris Lehane says a lot about Al Gore and his
pathetic campaign for the presidency. I thank God that I do not
have to suffer through day after day of Chris Lehane’s
unprofessional, press-secretarial McCarthyism.
So
why did Lehane decide that now is the time to reveal this juicy
tidbit from election 2000? My guess is he’s setting himself up
for a job in the next election, perhaps for a candidate other
than Gore. He’s been a loser all his life so one can hardly
blame Lehane for not wanting to be involved in another Gore
campaign. But any candidate considering hiring Chris Lehane
should beware. As annoying as he appears on television, it is no
surprise that Lehane annoys most people he works with as well.
In
an article for The New Republic, Dana Milbank looked at Lehane's
addiction to playing jokes on fellow Gore staff members. Jokes
that amuse Chris Lehane often do not amuse his co-workers, and
he does not restrict his tomfoolery to co-workers. One of
Lehane's favorite pastimes is littering his official statements
with ridiculous words, hoping to get them in print. As Milbank
tells it, Lehane's fondest wish is to be quoted in print using
the word rimbamboo. Lehane defines it as a fool, but I can
imagine another equally fitting definition of the term when
applied to Lehane.
It's
an interesting game for a 10-year-old child or a
thirty-something rimbamboo. So when Lehane takes credit for
costing Bush the popular vote and causing the
Florida
fiasco, don't be angry, don't get sick. It's just a big game for
Chris Lehane. A game he is not very good at and a game he is
destined to lose. Because this prissy rimbamboo sucks. I
know it, you know it, and considering the look on his face
whenever I see him, he knows it, too.
Nathan
Porter is responsible for BSNN.net.
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