The more I read about civil unions and domestic partners in the
gay and lesbian community the more confused I get, especially
when they want to adopt children. I mean, all my life I've
known the family as man and wife (male and female) right?
That's just the way it's been for however many thousands of
years. You know, the old "vive la difference"
stuff back before political correctness and all these
Okay, now I don't know the language of the special interest
group, so let's just explain things to me in old English ... the
If two men form a domestic union, is there a "wife"
or what? Aren't wives women? Can both partners be
husbands? Or are they just partners? Somehow, our
language just hasn't been revised (but it doubtless will be) to
accommodate these new arrangements.
If two women have a domestic partnership, is one of them a
"wife" or a "husband"? Or are they
lovers or just partners or is there another term for each half
of the union?
After this it gets a bit complicated for someone who isn't in
the hip bunch.
Okay, if the domestic partners adopt a child (we know that
kid had a male dad and a female mom somewhere) then:
If the partners are men, does the kid call both of them
Daddy? Or is one Mommy? Or is one Daddy and the
other just Jack or Sam? When the kid goes to school and
another kid asks, "what's your mom's name?" does the
kid say "Paul" or what? Or does he just say
"I don't have a mom, I have two dads." Somehow
this seems like it would be kind of confusing to a kid to have
Dad and Paul but then, I'm from another era. (When I read
today's news and think what it was like 20 years ago, I think
maybe the aliens took me to another planet.)
Now, if the two domestic partners are women, and they adopt a
kid, which one is "mom" and which one is
"dad" or are they both "mom" or is it Mom
and Trudy? When the kid is at school and another kid asks
"where does your dad work?" the kid says, "Oh I
don't have a dad, I have two moms." That isn't quite
right, so maybe the kid says, "I have no idea who my dad
is, I'm adopted and my mom is lesbian so I guess I have Mom and
Trudy." (Pardon, I think my mind just did two orbits
What happens with the kid's birth certificate? Does it
have the name of two men or two women? Or do we need a new
class of birth certificate for Adopted Kid to Domestic Union of
Nah ... that would be discriminatory ... or would it?
The way the judges interpret the law now, maybe it's
discriminatory not to have a birth certificate like that.
Or ... do you use a regular birth certificate and enter the name
of the adoptive gay/lesbian parent and put the other parent as
"unknown"? Oh no, you can't do that ... in case
of a severance/divorce in the "union" then would
"unknown" be entitled to visitation? I mean,
these unions are severable.
When the kid enters school and the school nurse has to notify
the parent(s) that the kid has a fever, and they call home and
get a male, do they ask "Is this Joey's dad?" or will
that cause a lawsuit because the one at home is the de facto
mom? What's the proper language here? Does the nurse
have an Advance Warning Sheet that the kid has two same-sex
"parents"? Or is that discriminatory? Or
is it discriminatory not to have it?
When the teacher wants to discuss Joey's or Kathy's grades
with his/her parents, and two same sex people walk in, what does
the teacher ask? Which one of you is the father and which
is ... mother?!? Errr. Does teacher address each as
Mr. Blank? Or if females, as Ms. Blank? Or does
teacher just pitch it and say "Hello Jenny and Trudy"?
(Teacher probably can't say Mr. and Mrs. Blank at any point,
whether two males or two females.)
If it ever gets to the point where a male can be called
"Mrs." and a female can be called "Mr." then
how will the kid know what a "mister" or a
Maybe I am making this unnecessarily complicated, since I'm
not part of this community and surely don't know the protocols.
Oh well, the courts will figure it all out and the government
will tell us what to do.
Somehow, it just seems like something's wrong somewhere,
because it doesn't make sense. On the other hand, should it?
Just hand me another Excedrin and I'll turn on the stereo and
relax to some 50's music when we didn't have all these problems.
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