| PoliticalUSA.com Bombs Away Contest |
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Now it's the Yaks' turn
David Bartley
November 4, 2000, Middle of nowhere "bin Laden's hideout",
President Clinton will address the
nation, eplaining that US Intelligence, under the able guidance of the
Vice President (from his
extensive experience in covert operations in Vietnam) have discovered
Osama bin Laden's hideout,
and bombed it to smitereens. Such
a thorough job will be performed on what is actually a
yak-herder's hut in the middle of nowhere that a formal inspection to
determine whether the
story is true will be impossible (at least until after the election). This
will happen late Saturday,
in time to reach the Sunday papers, but late enough that criticism of
the October Surprise will not reach most people until after
the 7th.
That's not
all your wife says
John B. Grimsley
Nov 3, 2000, Afghanistan: Suspected
Bin Laden hangout(s)","Do the math.
The attack, in retaliation for the attack on the USS Cole, will
take place late in the afternoon Washington DC time, because:
1. It'll be in time to
make the evening news.
2. Congress will probably
have adjourned and Members will be scattered around the U.S. trying to
campaign for re-election. They
won't be able to mount a united response to criticize the attack.
3. Fri., Nov 3 will be
close enough to the election for the public to rally around the flag
before the voting but not to start doubting the wisdom of the attack
until after the voting has already taken place.
4. Nobody likes Osama bin
Laden anyway, so nobody will care if it turns out that he WASN'T
responsible for the attack on the USS Cole.
5. The pharmaceutical
factory thing has already been done.
6. My wife says I'll win.
Oh
no, not Elian again
Dean Clancy
November 5-6th, Havana, The Bay of Pigs invasion is resumed.
Fidel is hunted down and removed from power.
US troops occupy Havana.
Florida votes Gore overwhelmingly, and he is elected President.
Unfortunately, little Elian is killed in the opening
bombardment.
How
did he know?
Mr. Moss
November 4, 2000, Osama bin
laden's hideout, His hideout is eerily similar to Brent Barksdale's
home.
PBK
November 6, 2000, Iraq, The U.S. will claim that Albania is a sponsor
of Osana bin Laden, and U.S. jets will destroy several farms and
horseshoe nail factories in the Albanian countryside. Simultaneously,
a study will
be released by Greenpeace showing that conventional munitions are a
leading cause of global warming, and Al Gore will promise a ban on
using them shortly after being elected. When the Chinese invade Taiwan
two days later, the United States Navy is forced to use nuclear
weapons to defend the island, since an Executive order bans them from
using conventional explosives. Within days of the Chinese
invasion, Syria, Egypt and Iraq will jointly invade Israel, and Israel
will respond with nuclear missiles, causing a nuclear winter, which
kills all the rainforests and causes the Earth to sink into a
Venus-like furnace state where only sub oceanic geothermal tubeworms
can survive. Amazingly,
in such an environment, Al Gore will still
be functioning, and the last humans on Earth will discover he really
was a robot all along.
Tom Eaker
November 20, 2000, Aden,After discovering that the Yemen government is
behind the bombing of the Cole Clinton decides to take out their
entire navy!! After two
days of saturation bombing he is informed that the rubber zodiac used
in the Cole's bombing had been the entire Yemen navy. Al
Gore loses in an unprecedented landslide!!
Veronika
Hill
November 2, 2000, Middle East, Tired of the Palestinians, Clinton
finally goes hog wild, in his last quasi-sexual act as president.
Just in
time for Christmas
Brian
Johnson
November 6, 2000, Yemen, No one hurt or killed.
Clinton will bomb a Sony Playstation factory.
Dave
Marshall
October 27 , OsamaBinLadenville, Afghanistan , Clinton (and publicly
with the visible support of Al Gore) will attack with cruise missiles
a suspected
terrorist training camp of Osama Bin Laden
somewhere in the desert of Afghanistan. He will announce that
evidence showed that the bombers of the USS Cole were trained there,
and that Osama Bin Laden provided backing and logistical support for
the Saudi terrorists. Bomb damage assessment: Numerous tents damaged,
one aging Toyota destroyed, several camels traumatized. Political
benefit assessment: America feels good about Clinton/Gore finding the
bad guys that bombed our ship, and taking action. Effect on actual
terrorists: none.
Benjamin
Wetmore
November 5th 2000 , Austin Texas and a nursing home in Arkansas , In
order to combat the smog
problem evident in the illegal Kyoto treaty, Algore will order,
with the consent of the president, the bombing of alleged
smog-producing aspirin factories in Austin Texas and a suspected
aspirin hoarding facility that happens to be part of a nursing home
complex run by Osama Bin Laden sympathizer Juanita Broaddrick.
Virgil
Nielsen
Nov 1, 2000 , Iran , Al Gore's Russian submarine
Lila
West
Nov. 1, 2000 , Bin Laden camp , Retaliation for ship bombing.
Not very original but then Clinton isn't either.
Marjorie
Desmond
November 6, 2000 , Yemen , He'll bomb the port and a couple of
government buildings, kill a couple of street vendors and some guppies
and it should last about 10 hours.
Eric
Enderle
November 4th, 2000 , West-Central Iraq , The State Department will
cite 'classified' intelligence reports indicating that this is where
the base of operations was located for the Muslim terrorists who
bombed the USS Cole, and those terrorists were reportedly organizing
to strike other U.S. interests in the Mideast, which won't be
identified for 'national security' reasons. The bombing will probably
take place in the predawn hours, EST.
Dave Wallace
October 29th , Northern Yemen , Naval forces
attack training base for Yemeni rebel group with cruise missiles. Destroy 3 tents, kill 2
rebels/terrorists and one civilian vegetable delivery man.1 errant missile hits offices of special prosecutor in
Washington DC.
Kanga
& Boom
November 5 , The White House , To coincide with Guy Fawkes Night. Then
all the Aussies will eventually put out the flames with a few inferior
Yank beers...while swigging our own ones.
Wade
11/02/00 , Iraq , On grounds of producing overpriced prescription
drugs, President Clinton announced that
Saddam's facility to send our old people to poor house
has been destroyed. Note:
after the fact it turns out that the
facility was
really camel dung processing factory.
Uh,
Houston, you have a problem.
Don Stefanson
November 5, 2000 , Houston, Texas , Al Gore will claim that because of
Governor Bush's deliberate attempt to make Houston into the world's
most polluted city, the city will have to be destroyed before it
threatens to overwhelm all of North America. Clinton will ponder
several days as he did over releasing oil from the reserve, then order
a B-52 raid to clean up Houston.
I had no choice, he will
say.
Damon Franz
yo mama's so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck , yo mama's so stinky, she put on secret and it told on her , I
think it would be way more interesting to guess the date George W. Bush will manage to string a coherent, intelligent
sentence together, without mangling words or using the wrong verb tense. Or when he actually shows some knowledge
of how government works. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest April 8, 2016. I bet I'm right. Rarely is the
question asked, Is our children learning? More and more, our imports come from abroad. , P.S. Fuck you.
Dennis
Farnworth
won't happen , no where , Due to people like you alerting us to the possibility,
Bill will be too afraid of being caught out to do it.
Alicia
Ledesma
October 31, 2000 , Survivor Taping Site (Australia) , In a last
ditch effort to remain in the spotlight and gain more photo ops,
President Clinton coordinates a new immunity challenge for the cast of
Survivor. Whoever is left
alive or remains alive with the least amount of injuries after being
bombed, wins immunity.
The Kingfish
Nov.
2, 2000, Yemen
Will say they found the culprits of the USS Cole bombing and
supposedly found a terrorist training camp where the bombers were
supposedly headquartered. He
wont do it on the 1st b/c its a religious holiday, he'll do it on the
2nd because they will have the whole weekend new cycle gaining favor
for the administration and Gore will be all over the Sunday shows
showing his support for the bombing.
Kent Childs
Oct. 21 2000, George W's tour bus
Having failed in all last minute strategic maneuvers for Gore & realizing he'll never get a 3rd term, Bubba
turns to the only possible solution in his endeavor to keep the W.H. under demo. control. Afterward he's
quoted as saying "ahm sorrie, I thought it was Slobeadawn tryin ta hahd in America". (biting lip) "Ah
feel his pain."
Joe King
Nov. 5, 2000, Afghanistan
Primarily cruise missiles (depleting remaining stock.)
Well, as long as the SPCA doesn't find out.
Daniel Molineaux
Oct. 26, 2000, Iraq,
Simple strike, out in the desert, several camels dead.
ehpayne
Nov. 2, 2000, Northern Iraq - along Jordan border
He will bomb along the border of Jordan. Iraqi troops have been moving there in recent weeks.
He will claim that it is a preventive strike to back up Israel. It will not only bolster AlGore, but Mrs.
Clinton as well.
But
what about all those Democrat votes? Maybe he should bomb Long
Island instead.
ron
goodbub
Nov. 5,2000, New York City
Bill Clinton will decide that Hillary is behind and also Al (although
he really doest care about that) and to stop any and all elections, he
will in the name of humanity bomb terrorists that are supposedly
in NYC. This will involve cruise missiles, long range bombers, and
heavy missiles.
cate
hoffman
Nov. 5, 2000, U.S. Supreme Court...killing all the sitting
Justices.
Domestic terrorists led by Rush Limbaugh and a cadre of
right-wing radio hosts will be blamed, so that in the ensuing
emergency, talk radio will be silenced along with the cancellation of
the elections. One of Mr.
Clinton's first acts after order is restored will be to appoint nine
hand-picked FOBs to the Supreme Court, who will push through a federal
statute, under the "pursuit of happiness
clause," legalizing polygamy, and requiring men over 60 to
adopt polygamy in order to erase the unfair effects of the population
imbalance in that age group, which he himself is approaching...so he
already feels their pain....
Who could they get for guests to discuss that issue? Besides Monica.
Myron Havis
Nov. 3, 2000, Afghanistan
Attack on USS Cole will be attributed to Osama bin-Laden. His hideaway in Afghanistan will be purported to
have been discovered and the desert will once again receive the full fury of Bill Clinton's penis extenders -
Tomahawk missiles. I say it happens on a Friday, so there will be plenty of time to round up guests to carry
the propaganda on the Sunday morning news shows.
But
we can dream, can't we?
The
Cynic
Oct. 30, 2000, France
Don't really think the bombing will happen in France, it's just
wishful thinking.
Bruno
Nikodesmki
Oct. 31, 20000 (Halloween) thru Nov. 2, 2000, Northern Iraq
Clinton will bomb some innocent Kurdish refugee camp, in Northern
Iraq, since the Kurds can't do anything about it, and don't have any
representation in the world community.
Turkey will concur in this, and may provide basing &
refueling for the airplanes. Iraq
will be made to be a "bad guy / terrorist
conspirator" before this.
He won't bomb any oil-processing facilities, of course, and not
anywhere near the Saudi peninsula.
Is
it sweeps week?
Stephen
G. Page
Nov. 1, 2000, Afghanistan
Attack the supposed hide-out of Bin Laden.
The bombing will occur in the evening on the east coast, around
9:55 PM, so as to not effect the showing of ""West
Wing"" on NBC, but yet still dominate the 11 o'clock news AND
ABC's NightLine. Since
this is only 5 1/2 days before the polls open, anyone who disagrees
with this show of "America's resolve" in
fighting terrorism, will be branded as being partisan.
A
unique way to guarantee California goes for Gore.
Brian
Terwilliger
Nov. 2, 2000, Orange County California
With George Bush only 1% behind in California and polls showing
chances are that there will be low democrat turnout causing a Bush win
of the state and its monstrous Electoral Vote count President Bill
""The Bomber"" Clinton unleashed a massive air
raid from 15,000 feet on the very conservative Orange County. Thus causing the republican strong hold to not only loose
republican voters due to casualties, it also knocked out polling
places, which strangely were the only buildings too take direct hits.
Other than a few stray bombs that hit the shipping docks of the
Chinese Shipping company Hutchinson/Whampooha.
With many dead and injured republicans, and those still healthy
unable to vote because the polling places were blown up Algore will
carry the state and possibly the election.
Susan
Youngquist
Nov. 2, 2000, Iraq
Bubba Clinton will claim that he has intelligence that Iraq is about
to enter Saudi Arabia and Kuwait and block all our oil.
Gareth Smith
Oct. 23, 2000, Kuwait border
An Iraqi pilot will fly too close to the no fly zone. American AA guns will blast it out of the sky. Saddam
will beef up the border area with more planes. Clinton will order them all to leave or be shot down. They
will stay. Clinton will order in several American stealth 117s and shoot a few of them down from high altitude.
They will leave. Clinton will be a one-legged hero.;~)
Richard
Bennett
Nov. 6, 2000, Baghdad, Iraq
Clinton "determines" that the Iraqi Republican Army has traveled
too far to the west towards Israel.
In order to protect Israel, and also to disable the Iraqi
military, he drops bombs on them and wipes them out.
At the same time he's wiping out the Iraqi army, he also lets a
few bombs fly in the wrong direction and hits critical oil wells and
refineries, causing the price of oil to rise so high, that Gore's plan
of eliminating oil as a power source finally comes to fruition.
