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Real March Madness: Chick Coach’s Losing Season

By Debbie Schlussel


Thursday marked the start of the NCAA basketball playoffs, known as “March Madness.”

But the real March Madness is Geraldine Fuhr, the female basketball coach who sued to coach the men's basketball team at Hazel Park High School in suburban Detroit.

She just concluded her first season, last week. The result? The Detroit Lions now have company in the category for Michigan’s biggest sports loser.

Fuhr’s team won only 3 of 19 games this season, losing 85% of the games she coached. But, unlike the Lions, it’s as if Fuhr’s team lost twice as much. That’s because some of Fuhr’s players, like many high school boys today, come from single mother households. Their moms watch Oprah, read Cosmo, and wear make-up. But instead of getting a father figure coach in their lives, they got yet another of what they already have too much of at home.

Role models like Fuhr are the reason the NBA is full of thugs and violent maladjusted individuals like Allan Iverson and Latrell Sprewell. The majority of NBA players come from single mother households where they had no strong male role model to teach them how to be men. Iverson finally found one in 76ers Coach Larry Brown, who has managed to keep him in line, lately. A female coach can’t do that. It defies the laws of nature.

And that’s just the social loss. Back to the embarrassing physical loss of 16 out of 19 games under “Coach” Fuhr.

You won’t hear about this failed feminist experiment in the Oprah-fication of men’s sports. While Fuhr gained national headlines and was hailed by Bryant Gumbel on HBO’s “Real Sports” and profiled by ESPN, no-one wants to hear that—in real life—a female coach cannot motivate men to win. If a 3 and 16 season isn’t evidence of that, what is?

Male players want to please male coaches, to show them what they’re made of. There’s no such dynamic with female coaches. Even female players want to please male coaches. There’s a sexual tension there. It’s why WNBA teams that win are coached by that three-letter word, M-E-N.

Despite this, Fuhr, the female coach of men, was likened by Detroit Free Press columnist Rochelle Riley to Joan of Arc, Harriet Tubman, and Susan B. Anthony. Well, she does bear a resemblance to Joan of Arc. She and her team were, indeed, burned at the stake, this season. But as for slavery—against which Harriet Tubman fought—the guys’ basketball team at Hazel Park High, like several others playing for female coaches around the country—are just part of an effort to re-enslave men in a matriarchal society, where women dominate everything, including that last bastion of maleness--sports.

Need proof?

In February, the Hampton, Virginia City Council came under fire from Title IX whiners for spending $7,000 on rings for Phoebus High’s 2001 football state champions. Title IX, a federal law put into effect by Gloria Steinem clones, requires that any school receiving federal dollars spend the same amount of money, provide the same type of facilities and opportunities, and a abide by a host of other requirements for women’s sports. Otherwise, the school is held hostage as practicing “sexual discrimination.” This is the stuff that’s considered “civil rights,” these days—cutting top-notch men’s wrestling, football, swimming and diving teams at many colleges for silly sports like women’s lacrosse and crew.

And it’s not just confined to high school and college. It’s part of an agenda that controls even your ESPN screen. Title IX is the reason that, this summer, we’ll have to endure the sixth painful season of that annoying, irrelevant group of tall, muscular women otherwise known as the WNBA. You’d be surprised to learn that the acronym doesn’t stand for Waste of National Broadcast Airtime.

The WNBA exists only because the NBA—which owns and operates it—bowed to pressure from the Women’s Sports Foundation (the NOW of the sports world) to establish the league in the first place. The league remains in existence because the NBA strong-arms NBA sponsors and broadcast partners into WNBA support in exchange for the privilege of being involved with the NBA.

The agenda of coaches like Fuhr, feminist lawyers, and female players without a marketplace that wants or needs them, is broader than just WNBA hoop dreams. WNBA coaches want to coach in the NBA and other men’s pro leagues. After I first wrote about Fuhr, in August, I debated the topic of Women Coaching Men,” on ESPN’s “Outside the Lines.” My sparring partner, Caroline Peck, coach of the WNBA’s “Orlando Miracle,” told the press she wanted to become an NBA head coach. But, with a win-loss record of 13-19, last season, it’s an “Orlando Miracle” she’s still around. She can’t even coach the lackluster women, yet she thinks she can motivate the men. She should coach the “Denver Delusion.”

Like Peck, if Fuhr were a male coach, she’s lose her job faster than a jumpshot. But instead this loser coach is making excuses and enjoying her status as a cause celebre for chick coach wannabes all over the place. All while her men’s team at Hazel Park high is living a hoops nightmare.

And that’s the real March Madness.

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