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Grist for the Worry Wart Mill

By Dorothy Anne Seese


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Let no true worry-wart be left behind in this age of something for everyone.  Government warnings and alerts are growing rather old, we're in a permanent state of yellow-orange, the green and blue can be pitched altogether (they're useless for worry-warts anyway), and the guessing game of "where next?" is growing a long white beard.  Golfers can always worry about the rising costs of greens fees, or the rising costs at the 19th hole, so they are automatically excluded from the worry-wart entitlement program.  As to those who worry about whether the world is going to Hell ... all they need to do is turn off the air conditioner for a speedy answer.

Anyone who peruses the material this writer generates knows that I live in Arizona, which is cause enough to worry.  We've got Californians moving in here by the bazillion, littering the landscape with trash from McBurger's and cluttering our Goldwater horizons with clouds of liberalism.  We're not worry-warts here, we're realists.  Nevertheless, there is cause to give consideration to things other than the sad state of our rather sad state.  Those who do not live in Arizona can simply borrow ideas from the things that Arizonans use as excuses to worry, and for those so inclined, as excuses to imbibe too much brew.

*  What is the likely impact of the upcoming hurricane season on Arizona?

*  Why doesn't the US Geological Survey (USGS) publish a map showing Arizona's fault lines?  It has a rather large one for California-Nevada (that I check several times a day) and it shows all the recent quakes.  What are they hiding from us?

*  What will happen if we have a flood now that Tempe filled their section of the Salt River with water (and they call it a town lake - hah!) ... will they all drown?

*  Will Arizona ever get Cardinal Stadium built, or will the Cardinals fly the coop?  Many of us think the latter is a good reason not to build Cardinal Stadium.  Poor, rich Bidwell, he just can't make himself liked, and that's worrisome.  (It doesn't worry him, however.)

*  Can anyone except shuttle drivers find their way around the new Sky Harbor now?  Will the city expand it so that not even a terrorist can figure out how to get around those loops?

*  Will Phoenix megaplex stay the nation's sixth largest city, or will we drift down to seventh?

*  It's been there for ages, but is the Palo Verde Nuclear Power Plant really safe?

*  Why didn't I have the money to buy land when it was cheap?

*  Will the Parks Department issue permits for people to cut their own Christmas trees this year?  What if the forests burn down from this drought?

*  If water is rationed in Phoenix, will some inspector come and see if I am soaking in a tub of hot water?  Do they need to knock?  Can I get a permit from my doctor?

*  Why do lunatics and liberals always head for the most scenic property in any state, and where do these nutcakes get the money to buy those spots?

*  Will the ADOT ever make a four-lane divided highway out of State Rte. 85?  If they do, will they let anyone know?

*  How much longer, oh how much longer, does John McCain have left in his Senate term?  Will we elect a real conservative to replace him, or is he holding on until the state has more liberals from California in here to replace him with a liberal Democrat?

*  How safe, really, are the bridges over the Colorado River?  Would a collision with a houseboat or jet ski bring one down?

*  Is bottled mountain spring water really safe to drink?

*  Why does New Mexico get more rain than we do?  That isn't fair!

*  Will that blasted air conditioning repairman everget here?  There's a weekend coming up and if this mess isn't fixed, THEY will have something to worry about!

If a reader isn't quite sure of some of the things in here, such as State Rte. 85, just imagine a frustrating, suicidal stretch of road that's been a 40 minute game of "will I really live long enough to reach the interstate?" for years, and years, and years.  It connects the I-10 with the I-8 that runs to San Diego, and is the major route for touristas going to Rocky Point, a/k/a Puerto Penasco.

It's easy to find things to worry about.  After all, how can I be sure a jet engine won't fall off a plane tonight and come through this roof, or some asteroid blocked by the sun isn't headed this direction?

This is what happens when one can't get out of Arizona for the summer.  In fact, that should be on the list ... "why is it I can't get out of Arizona for the summer?"

It must be time to call up the air conditioning fixers again and bug them.  Why should they have a good day if my a/c is on the blink?


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