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Why won't they just leave?

By Ron Marr


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    I promised myself that, upon the inauguration of George W Bush, I would refrain from mentioning the names of a certain Arkansas bottom feeder and the Gorgon-esque critter to whom he is sort of married. I hoped their horrid memory would fade into the foggy obscurity which it so richly deserves, that we as a people would emerge from our national nightmare, concentrate upon the future, and rejoice in the fact that America is led by a man possessing ethics and integrity.

    There's only one problem; the miscreants in question refuse to leave the national stage. They realize that the American public is obsessed with celebrity, and are media-savvy enough to comprehend that the method of achieving celebrity doesn't matter.  Sadly, we live in an era where O.J. Simpson is mobbed for autographs when he walks down the street, where political pronouncements delivered by flash-in-the-pan sitcom actors carry more weight than those of revered statesmen, educators or religious leaders. The aforementioned bottom feeder and Senator Medusa live by Oscar Wilde's maxim, "the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."  They intrinsically understand that keeping themselves in the public eye - through whatever means necessary - is germane  to their desire to once again reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

    I told myself I would require a compelling reason to write about those whom I consider the two most vile individuals ever to hold national office. I was sick of them, and my editors were sick of me attacking them. Despite the fact that I predicted the trashing of the White House before the fact (a column most papers and web-zines deemed too personally vitriolic for publication...if you want a copy, e-mail me at  I received no pleasure from the effort. I didn't want to discuss the "Man From Hope-I-Don't Get Caught" and the Freshman Senator from New York/Arkansas/Illinois any more than my editors wanted me to. Just thinking of the dastardly duo gives me that less than fresh feeling.

    But, in the three weeks since their pitiful attempts to hog the camera on Inauguration Day, we have seen a continuation of the lies, deceit and blatant criminality unique to America's most visible, white-trash power couple. Although I would have never believed it possible, these two HAVE left a legacy. It is a legacy of shame, ingratitude and arrogance, a reminder that the uncouth, ill-bred, debauched and vulgar exist and thrive in every societal strata.

    We have seen the pardon of  billionaire fugitive Marc Rich, who just happened to donate  $1.5 million dollars to the Democrats. We have seen the commutation of sentence of child molester Mel Reynolds, the 47 year old former Democrat House member from Illinois who, in 1995, was convicted of having sex with a teenage campaign worker. We have heard  of the $800,000 rent for an office above Carnegie Hall, which it now appears will be partially paid for by folks who thought they were contributing to a historical library in Little Rock. We have heard that the White House was trashed by the minions of our  esteemed former "leader" (the price tag for those "pranks" is now above $300,000) and that Air Force One was stripped down to the bare floors and walls. We have learned that the former Commander in Chief and his heinous spouse appropriated (at a minimum)
$28,000 worth of White House furniture which the donors claim was NEVER intended as a personal gift.

    It goes on, and on, and on, and on.

    So I'm torn.  I do not wish to help keep these profligates in the spotlight, but am outraged that they continue to be deified by the national press for their licentious demeanor and unrestrained excess. I hate talking about them almost as much as I hate the manner in which they have dragged our country to the lowest ethical and moral point in its history. That those who receive $8 million dollar book advances and $100,000 speaking fees should expect the American public to foot the bill for champagne, caviar and luxury penthouses is the height of audacity and contempt.

    Still, despite all this, I say that we should follow the wisdom of President Bush by adopting a tone of civility and pity.  We should ignore the evidence that vermin once occupied the White House. We see what they left us; lets get the dustpan, sweep it up and move ahead with the business of repairing the damage of the past eight years. It is the best thing we can do for ourselves, and the worst thing we can do to the attention-addicted Big Creep and his beetle-browed sidekick.

    I have a dream. Little children of all races, colors and religions are sitting in the classroom. The teacher asks a question, but nary a hand shoots up. The innocents look at each other with confusion, shrugging their shoulders in bewilderment.

    A timid voice from the back of the room utters the most beautiful words known to man.

    "Bill who?"

Ron Marr, 2001

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