Happy White Male Oppressor Day!
By Donny Ferguson

In case you slept through fourth grade history, or own a really outdated calendar, today is Columbus Day, the 509th anniversary of Christopher Columbus’ discovery of North America. (I don’t care what some wispy, goateed professor told you between bites of hummus while leafing through this month’s Mother Jones. Christopher Columbus discovered America.)

Now, as with anything honoring America, there are some who have a problem celebrating Oct. 12 as a holiday. They are the usual suspects, the same sniveling malcontents who always manage to find a problem with anything relating to capitalism, Christianity or America. They howl that Columbus violated a land of tranquility. They screech that Western civilization corrupted a Native American utopia. They squeal that the Native Americans lived in serenity and accord, until their overthrow at the hands of greedy capitalist crusaders hell-bent on eradicating all vestiges of the native populous in their quest for gold, silver and souls.

And as usual, they are wrong.

These "Columbu-phobes" wail and scream about how Columbus and his European followers supposedly ransacked and pillaged entire civilizations, wiping away cultures preaching harmony with nature and one other. History’s revisionists would have one believe Columbus invaded and overthrew a race of peaceful, harmonious people of the earth, a people far superior to the white Christian treasure-seekers who obliterated their society. Eyewitness accounts and the archaeological evidence, however, tell a far different story.

The supposedly peaceful Guadelope inhabitants Columbus first encountered, the Arawaks, in fact raided weaker Siboney villages, brutally massacring the men and savagely raping the women. Boys were castrated, fattened, boiled in pots and eaten. The Arawaks kept girls captive as "breeders," providing carnal pleasure and a constant supply of babies, regarded as a delicacy. The plight of women, viewed as second-class and chattel, wasn’t much better.

But what evil culture of doom did these pale-skinned conquerors leave behind? What legacy of decadence and nature-rape were the Native Americans shackled with? Only a Christian way of life that lifted them out of poverty, increased their life span and taught peace and equality. Constant starvation, cannibalism and child sacrifice were replaced by healthy diets, industriousness and democracy. People who once lived in disease-ridden huts and practiced shamanism were later introduced to immunization and life-saving surgery.

Common sense, not arrogance, illustrates the fact Western civilization and the Judeo-Christian ethic is far superior to any other culture or faith to come along the pike. It is the Judeo-Christian ethic, not the animal worship of the South and North American natives, which gave us the model for a representative government by the people. It is Western civilization that gave us our written language, as opposed to the illiterate Caribs who had no written language to speak of. The anti-American apologists for the Native Americans of the 15th century would have a hard time proving the American Indian is better off today than he was 509 years ago. Thanks to Christopher Columbus and a half-millennia of European influence, the modern person of Native American has a longer lifespan, a means of communicating and teaching his heritage and the right to live his life and worship as he pleases. He even has the right to whine about the intrepid Italian who made it possible. Good luck trying that under King Montezuma.

But leftists, as a lot, have never been one to let simple nuisances of fact deter them from whining and complaining. Despite the factually crushing tide of evidence against them, Columbus’ detractors persist in their own crusade to eliminate any celebration of, or even reference to, the famed explorer. The war against Columbus is merely a battle in a larger fight against Western civilization, Judeo-Christian ethic and 200 years of American progress. He was white, European, Christian and responsible for the birth of the nation that discredited socialism, therefore he must be discredited.

Sadly for the anti-Columbus Left, while the events of Oct. 12, 1492, forever altered history and marked the end of a hunting-gathering society of cannibals, it did so for the better. Christopher Columbus’ sacrifice and bravery opened the door to a new land where a superior modern constitutional republic, based upon individual liberty and inalienable rights granted by God, took root.

So to those young "Columbu-phobes" picketing their schools’ Indian mascot (schools and educational pursuit having never existed in pre-Columbus America), to those publishing books and articles on the evils of the white man and the virtues of the ancient Native American (the printing press and freedom of speech being the product of white European males) and to those griping about Columbus at the age of 70 over a healthy dinner of something other than human flesh (there being scant food, widespread disease and rampant cannibalism in pre-Columbus America) I say to you, Happy White Male Oppressor Day!

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