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Hollywood Needs Our Help

By The Cynic
cynic@politicalusa.com

12/26/2000

Last week, HBO star Sarah Jessica Parker voiced her concerns about a Bush Presidency: "I'm worried about the kind of cuts he might make in domestic programs that mean something to a lot of people, including people in my family who depend on certain things from the government."

This leads me to wonder how Hollywood types get so damned informed on such intricacies of our government. I've never been to Hollywood. The only knowledge I have of it came from watching television. You know, the stereotypical Hollywood stuff: Cocktail parties where they all gossip about each others wardrobes, lots of "call my girl" types of appointments, booze, sex and drugs. All the stuff that makes me want to live there.

It's a shame that we never see the real Hollywood. The Hollywood where people not only make cinematic masterpieces for us to cry, think or laugh (hey, remember when Ernest went to jail? That killed.), they spend countless hours studying the Constitution. The Hollywood where they discuss the minute details about capitalist economies into the wee hours of the night. The Hollywood where they have dinner parties where the conversation is dominated by discussions of how to handle the Middle East peace process. This is the Hollywood we should all see.

Now, I'm just a working slob. I have a new baby to care for and bills piling up and I used to bellyache about my taxes. If I only knew that my tax dollars were going to support the families of millionaire movie stars who want to make life easier for me. These movie stars want to help us keep our government in check. They want to make sure that our government will spend our money on the right things and on the right causes. All this and they make movies, too.

Ms. Parker has a reported net worth of $30 million dollars. I'm thinking that maybe she is underpaid. She entertains us weekly on her HBO show, she has made several movies, she understands aspects of our government that us common folk could never comprehend. I think it's a shame that some of her family members may be without some governmental support. We should get a petition together to ask President-elect Bush to make exceptions to these cuts so her family would be taken care of. Maybe we should start a collection. Something needs to be done.

We could hire Sally Struthers to star in some commercials showing how hard it is for these family members of celebrities. Without the government's help, these people are forced to eat domestic caviar. Their coats are faux fur. They have to cook their own meals. Can we let them continue to live this way? I'm figuring we can improve their situations for a mere $612 a day. (That's less then your average Hollywood coke habit)

If we want to help we need to start now, before Washington makes any cuts. Hollywood gives us so much, we should give something back. Think about all the time they save us. We don't need to read the Wall Street Journal or search the Internet for political insight, we can just tune into Entertainment Tonight and get all the political knowledge we need. Can you put a price tag on Barbara Streisand's views on gun control? What about Susan Sarandon's views on sexual harassment? Where would be without Rob Reiner's expertise on properly establishing a democracy in a third world country? I'd tell you, but I have to go out learn about school vouchers for a future column and Rosie O'Donnell's show starts in five minutes.

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The Cynic, 2000

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