“Thank You, John Kerry”
A Dear John Letter

by Kirsten Andersen Heffron


Dear John,

I’m writing today to thank you.  This may seem strange to you, but I assure you I’m quite in earnest.  You see, I probably shouldn’t admit this in an election year, but before you came along, I was disillusioned with President Bush.  He wasn’t “conservative enough” for me.  I like my ideology right – WAY right.  And Bush has been a decidedly moderate president, pandering to the wishy-washy middle at the expense of conservative principles on things like Medicare, gun control and immigration.  He’s so infuriatingly moderate, I figured I’d vote third party or even write in a candidate for President in 2004.

But now that you’re the Democrat nominee, I’ve been re-energized.  Your socialist leanings, spine-snapping indecision and penchant for lies have pushed me so firmly back into the Bush camp that I’m risking all sorts of vandalism against my property and even my person (that is, if I was three years old and surrounded by your supporters, anyway) by displaying George W. Bush bumper stickers, buttons and yard signs.  Yes, John, you have renewed my zeal for the Republican party.  You didn’t do it alone, though.  You had help!

First and foremost, I must thank your campaign staff and their trusted partners, Old Media.  From the day you accepted the nomination (and even before that), together, they have put out the important message that John Kerry Was In Vietnam ™.  Further, they have let us all know that George W. Bush was Not In Vietnam.  These are important revelations, to be sure.  If these simple facts had not been brought to light, we wouldn’t be talking about half the things that have me champing at the bit to touch the screen (doesn’t have quite the same ring as “pull the lever,” does it?) for George W. Bush this November – things like . . .

. . . the questionable circumstances surrounding your three Purple Hearts.  If you had never made an issue of your service in ‘Nam, I would still believe today that you were a bona fide war hero, albeit one who came home and trashed his brothers -in-arms for selfish political gain. (Speaking of which . . . )

. . .  your actions after the Vietnam War.  You see, as someone who wasn’t even born when that conflict ended, I had no idea you were such a treasonous scumbag (harsh words, but if they’re good enough for your wife . . . ).  I mean, I knew you were a liberal Democrat, but that fact alone doesn’t always equate to outright treason, you know.  While my father was a little bit too old to serve in Vietnam as an enlisted man, he trained many of the troops who went over there, fought, and sometimes died.  He remembers their names and young faces to this day.  But he had forgotten you, John Kerry, until you opened your mouth thirty years later.  He had forgotten that you besmirched the names of the soldiers he was so proud of and called them rapists and murderers and psychopaths.  I have no one but you, your campaign staff and the mainstream media to thank for reminding his generation – and educating mine.

. . . Bush’s service record in the Texas Air National Guard during the Vietnam era.  It would have been too easy to believe your Party’s recycled attack story that the President’s family had pulled strings to get him into the Guard to avoid Vietnam, and that he had shirked his duty to go party.  After all, the story fits with his self-admitted image – a son of privilege, partying his way through the 1970s and into the 1980s before getting his life together at the behest of his wife and after finding faith in Jesus Christ.  But thanks to your and your friends’ pushing of the issue with obviously forged documents from a bitter partisan hack, I now know that none of your accusations were true!  In fact, President Bush served his country honorably in the Texas Air National Guard, going above and beyond what was required of him as a Guardsman and logging thousands of hours of flying time as a talented pilot . . . leaving not just after he had fulfilled his obligation, but when it was clear the Air National Guard no longer needed a reserve pilot of his specialty.  Who knew that “party boy” Bush was so responsible in his tender youth?  Obviously you did, or you would never have gone to the trouble of advancing and possibly even creating false documents to try and bolster your case to the contrary.

In all seriousness, John Kerry (I’d call you Senator, but unlike President Bush, you really have shirked your duties in that respect, missing more than two-thirds of all votes in the Senate since you began your campaign and nearly every vote held this year), what you and your political allies seemed to have missed is that no one cares what you or your opponent did or didn’t do in the Vietnam War over thirty years ago.  What the American people care about is what you’ve done since then.

President Bush walked the hard road of recovery from alcoholism to become a successful husband, father, Governor and now, President.  He has piloted this great nation around the dangers of a post-9/11 world and toppled two brutal, terroristic regimes, bringing newfound freedom to more than 80 million people.  Through it all, he has shown incredible strength in sticking to his chosen positions (both conservative and moderate) no matter what the polls say. 

What have you done, John Kerry?

Oh, that’s right.  Convinced me to vote for George W. Bush.

Thanks again,

Kirsten Andersen Heffron

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